Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
If I had your ass I would rule the world
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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