at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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