why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
