why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
