when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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