it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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