eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
