Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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