The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
