I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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