We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
