what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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