My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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