i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
