I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
