Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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