We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize