id be glad to
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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