I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I love having hate sex.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
