It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize