i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
