Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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