He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
In America we eat man semen.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
