I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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