We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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