We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
