wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
