She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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