I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
