I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
