so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize