were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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