he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Randomize
