I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
