Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
