I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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