2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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