i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize