bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
