remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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