im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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