i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
