Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
