My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
