she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
