The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
