I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
