You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
organizing the empties. That sober.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
