so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
