his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
