my vag is so smooth its legendary
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
