I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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