Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
