It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
