You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
