God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
