There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
