Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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