Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
