do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
