yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
