It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
