he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
