Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
