I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
