i already hear my dad disowning me
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
