I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
