Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
