I puked a lego.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
