I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
