I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
