Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
