i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
