So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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