dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Ladies don't puke and tell
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
