Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
