I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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