you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
