I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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