Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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