i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Just invented taco cereal.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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