i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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