There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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