Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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