my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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