my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
