Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
