Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
