she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
