So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
