I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
birth control should be required to get into college
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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