we have officially lost it.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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